I've been embracing this new journey that I'm in the midst of. With joy and excitement and exhiliration!
For the first time this weekend I had extreme anxiety. My heart raced, my breathing became rapid and I had a little mini panic attack. I had to withdrawal from my family for a while, go to the bedroom and lie down, slow my breathing and pray.
All of this was the result of the Greatest Thriver participant's numbers being posted on the website. Now, in all it's glory, I had to become public about my weight. And why the anxiety? Why does it matter? Why did I feel threatened by a NUMBER??
I'm not sure if I was always able to "fool" people about my real weight. Seriously folks, I've never ever, in 20 years, even let my hubby know how much I truly weigh. I don't know if my feelings are prideful, and I think that as long as people don't know the REAL number, that I will never be that heavy. I just don't know. I still have a lot of praying to do about this. About how I'm feeling, and the thoughts I need to process. And I know, TRULY, that the number really DOESN'T matter. I just need my heart to know that.
And for the record...my hubby doesn't care either. ;)
I haven't let this get me down, btw. I was at the gym (my walking partner at the fitness park couldn't come) doing my cardio this morning, listening to my praise music, kickin' some butt!
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1 comment:
I can certainly understand that anxiety....and I agree with you that you need to get over it! At the same time...no one knows my weight either... and you are right. It's like the number isn't out there so you aren't that heavy. I will ponder that, as well. Way to go, getting right back out there and kicking some booty.
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